A Theology of Wifery Part II: Headship
Last week, we looked at Paul’s main command to wives: to submit to your husbands. We saw that a wife’s submission to her husband was tied directly to her submission to Christ. She is supposed to submit to her husband as she submits to Christ, which hopefully is “right away, all the way and with a happy heart!” We also saw that that’s the same thing required of every believer in their relationship to Jesus Christ. Today we’re going to see some “whys” of her submission, and why a wife’s submission to her husband is not a temporary, cultural command, but one for all ages and peoples, at least on this side of eternity. From Ephesians 5:23-24, 33b.
God’s Design
23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
Why must a wife submit to her husband? Because he is her “head.” That’s it! That’s all Paul gives us here. But why is the husband “head”? Paul doesn’t explain! He simply declares that the husband is “head” over the wife. (There is an explanation, but it’s not here.) Instead, he sets up this interrelationship between husband-and-wife and Christ-and-the-Church. The relationship between a husband and wife is supposed to be a reflection and illustration of Christ’s relationship with His Church. And it is a one-way illustration: Christ’s relationship with His Church defines a husband’s relationship with His wife, not the other way around. I drew on this heavily last week, and now you see why. This is a huge revelation Paul makes throughout this section about husbands and wives, and it is key to understanding why husbands have one role and wives a different one. It’s also why the husband and wife relationship cannot and must not change, regardless of changes in culture. It’s not up-for-grabs; it’s not open for us to reinterpret or reconstruct. Because Christ’s relationship with His Church is fixed for eternity. In fact, the husband-wife interrelationship has been almost identical across cultures and throughout history, until our modern era.
This is what causes modern men and women so much consternation. We want these instructions to be rooted in culture, but they’re not. We think we have a better way, so we want to reform the husband-wife relationship. Bad things have happened under the old regime, so we think we know how to make things better, safer, happier for everyone! As if we’re wiser than God. But when we do, we destroy the testimony and witness we’re supposed to be to the world. We actually dethrone Christ and exalt man. We’re operating out of rebellion against God, not improved wisdom and insight. Remember, as much as we want to blame Paul for these things and discredit him in order to cast these teachings aside, these are not Paul’s ideas. These are the words and instructions of God.
You can choose to ignore these instructions, but recognize that if you do, you’re not ignoring me. Neither are you ignoring Paul. You’re ignoring God, and you will likewise be ignored (1 Corinthians 14:36-38).
Submission the Point
There are many reasons and many ways that people today argue against the traditional view of husband and wife relations, in particular that a wife must submit to her husband. One thing I didn’t mention last week was that the word “submit” itself isn’t actually in verse 22, but carried over from verse 21. In verse 21, Paul told every Christian to submit to one another, as we saw a few weeks back. In verse 22, Paul particularly applies that command to the husband-wife relationship. The logic flows in the Greek, just as it would in English, if we translated it word-for-word. Consider the New American Standard Bible, which in verse 22 puts “be subject” in italics to indicate that the word is implied rather than present. If we take out the italicized “be subject” and read 21 and 22 together you get:
and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ. Wives, ... to your own husbands, as to the Lord. (Ephesians 5:21-22, NASB77)
“Wives what? to your own husbands?” The verb can only be found in what immediately precedes this command. It is called forward into verse 22 from verse 21, so that we understand verse 22 to instruct wives—with everyone submitting to everyone else—additionally to submit to their own husbands.
But if somehow we could argue that the absence of “submit” in verse 22 removed that intent from the verse, Paul comes back to it in verse 24, which we’ll get to. There, he removes all doubt by explicitly instructing wives to submit to their husbands even as the Church submits to Christ.
The fact that the Church is expected and required to submit to and obey Jesus Christ may be questioned in some circles, but not in the Bible. Jesus is Lord of lords and King of kings. He is God Most High. That He became one of us to pay our penalty for sin and bring us back into relationship with God does not make Him any less our King or Lord of all creation. It is precisely because of His complete obedience to the Father in giving up His own life that in the future all people will bow before Him and He will reign over the nations for a thousand years—and more!
Submission of a wife to her own husband is not open to debate—unless you simply do not want to obey the plain and obvious message of Scripture. Then you must find ways to undermine what is obvious.
“Head” Defined
That brings us back to verse 23. Why must wives submit to their husbands? Because “the husband is head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church.”
That little word, “for,” at the beginning of verse 23 is in the Greek and does link 22 with 23, meaning “here’s the reason why.”
It is amazing to me the lengths to which people will go to avoid obeying God. Verses 22 and 24 make it plain that God commands wives to submit to their husbands, but because the reason given is in verse 23, some people think if you can change the meaning of “head,” you can overthrow the whole passage!
For more than 2,000 years, headship as a metaphor was clearly understood in terms of authority in almost every usage of it. What other meaning could “head” have in this context but “the one to whom she must submit”?
But back in the 1950s, someone decided to challenge the obvious, and with our own American “cultural revolution” of the 1960s, the debate took off. I would suggest that that “cultural revolution” was really a revolt against Christian morality, and especially against God Himself. Given that—not to mention the social fallout that has accompanied it—I’m not sure why anyone would want to take seriously anything that came from it or instigated it.
So now, people organize themselves into two main camps: Those that believe the word “head” means “authority” and those who argue that “head” simply means “source,” as in the source of a river or “headwaters.” There is a third meaning, but I haven’t heard it much as an argument against the plain meaning of God’s instruction to wives, and that is that “head” can also mean “preeminence,” as in something that really stands out over its surroundings.
Look again at verse 23 (NIV): “For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.”
The argument that “head” means “source” hinges on that last phrase, “of which He is the Savior.” Jesus brought the Church into existence by His death and resurrection. If that is the sum total of your understanding of the Gospel, then “head” meaning “source” and nothing else is just fine. And if you’re a woman who doesn’t want to have to submit to your husband, then that’s actually your preferred understanding. You don’t want a Gospel that obligates you to adjust your behavior and bring it in line with Christ’s. You don’t want a savior who died and rose again so that you would walk in newness of life, a newness defined by His instruction and His own example of complete obedience to His Father.
If we fail to understand the significance of Jesus as Savior, then we will happily accept a distortion of this text and reject what it actually teaches.
Jesus didn’t save us just to wash away our sins and give us a membership card to Heaven, then send us off on our merry way, to live our life however we like, free from the burden of guilt and fear of judgment. You and I have grown up in a culture and society that rejects the father’s authority over his own family, especially once his children reach the age of 18. That’s not how it used to be; that’s not how God intended things to be; that’s not how God operates.
Some view the Gospel in these terms. “Jesus died and rose again to bring me into God’s family, and I’m sure grateful for that, but I’m a grown adult with my own ideas and wisdom. I’m a member of the family, so even if I prove to be the black sheep, heavenly ‘Papa’ still loves me and I’m always a part of His family, thanks to Jesus! Maybe I’ll ask God’s view on things here and there, but I’ve got some pretty good ideas of my own! I’ll try those first and see what comes of it. After all, I have a pretty good idea what ‘good’ is and what ‘love’ is, so I’ve got this! If I really get into a bind, I’ll check in with my heavenly ‘Papa’ and He’ll set me straight.”
Trouble is, that’s not how God sees things, nor how He set them up. That’s why we’re so happy to have a stripped down Gospel, and would rather not hear what the rest of the Bible teaches. But the real Gospel always requires repentance, turning from your “good” ideas to God’s actual instructions. And it always results in a change of nature, from one enslaved to evil desires to one “created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness” (Ephesians 4:24, NIV). The New Covenant in Jesus’ blood results in God’s Law being written on our hearts and minds, so that we live and behave like the Father who adopted us into His family (Hebrews 8:10-12).
Jesus’ salvation brings obligation to walk in God’s ways. It corrects the wrong relationship we’ve had with God, where we used to care nothing about what He said. It brings us into a right relationship with God, where we live to do all His holy will. Jesus’ salvation brings us into a proper Father-child relationship, where we seek to know and do what our Father desires. It brings us back under His authority; it doesn’t exalt us to equality with Him or release us from our obligation to fear and honor and worship Him by our obedience.
The Gospel reinstates our submission to the Father and His Son Jesus, “whom he appointed heir of all things”—including you and me—“and through whom he made the universe” (Hebrews 1:2). God and His Son Jesus are both the source of the Church and the Church’s rightful authority. Jesus dying and rising again to bring the Church into existence only further cements His right to rule over her. It certainly doesn’t eliminate it. Jesus as “head” of the Church does not mean “source” only and not “authority.” If anything, it is best understood as both!
And as I said last week, no husband and neither God Himself desires to “lord it over” those under his authority. We who are under authority are called and expected to give our loyalty and submission willingly. So a wife is called to submit to her husband, because her husband is her “head” in the very same way that Christ is head of His Church, His body.
“Headship” Not Earned
Please don’t misunderstand me. I’m rebuking the idea that “head” means “source” and not “authority” (as if it can’t be both!) by appealing to a complete understanding of the phrase used by those who want to reject a husband’s right to rule. They must distort or oversimplify the Gospel to support their argument. But the fact that Jesus is the Savior of the Church is not what makes Him qualified to rule as “head” over the Church. It’s what brings the Church into existence, so that there is someone who will submit to Him! But Jesus is God and worthy of full submission just because of who He is, not what He did. As Savior, He’s provided the means whereby anyone who wants to be included in His Body can do so, if they willingly come to Him and humble themselves before Him and submit themselves to His leadership. As God, Jesus is worthy of honor, respect and obedience, whether He saves a people for Himself or not!
But who would be left after He came to judge the world, if He had not paid the penalty for our sins? All would bow the knee, then be cast into eternal torment, “shut out from the presence of the Lord and from the majesty of His power” (2 Thessalonians 1:9, NIV). He had to offer His life as payment for the sin in order for there to be a people who would submit themselves to His lordship and serve Him eternally.
What I mean is this: Being Savior of the Church is not Jesus’ qualification to become “head” or Lord of the Church, it is only what allows there to be a Church for Him to be “head” over!
Why is this distinction important? Because Paul doesn’t say what makes a husband “head” over his wife. Only that he is! There is only one thing a husband has to do in order to attain “headship” over his wife: He needs to invite a woman to become his wife. If she agrees and they are married, it’s done! That’s it. Period. The husband is her “head.”
Paul gives no other justification, qualification or steps to earn the position. There’s no struggle, no competition, nothing by which he gains or fails to gain authority over his wife. That means it doesn’t matter who in the marriage is smarter or better educated. It doesn’t matter who is quicker to understand circumstances. It doesn’t matter who is stronger or faster or richer or better looking or anything else! All that matters is: Are you married? Then your husband is “head” over you, just as Christ is “head” over the Church, and you owe your husband full submission.
“Head” of a Body
You see, the fact that Jesus is Savior of the Church doesn’t grant Him rights over the Church and earn Him the Church’s submission. If you want to pursue an understanding of what God means here, then look just before Paul mentions Christ as Savior. Jesus is head of the Church—His body!
If you had nothing else, no verse 21 and 22, no verse 24, then even right there you would understand the relationship between husband and wife as no different from that of a person’s head to their body. Even the ancients understood the role of a person’s head in relation to their body, though certainly not in the detail we do today.
So what does a head have to do in order to gain the obedience and submission of the rest of its body? Anything? Any rite of passage? Any earning of authority before it is obeyed? Of course not! The whole body, head and all, operate exactly as God designed. There is no debate between head and body to decide who leads and who follows. The head was created to “rule” the body!
The head directs all the functions of the body, both voluntary and involuntary. It directs everything the body does, and the body responds without hesitation or debate! They are in perfect unity, both in function and purpose. They are one! Exactly what Christ wants us to be with God (John 17:20-23) and with each other (Philippians 2:1-2)! The body does provide all kinds of data and feedback to the head, but it gives that input over to the head and leaves it to the head to determine how to respond.
If the body does not follow the instructions and directives of the head, we understand there to be a significant problem. Part of the body is diseased or damaged. The head would naturally direct the rest of the body to get itself to a doctor! If the damaged or diseased part can be helped, great. If not, it will likely be removed if it is a threat to the survival of the rest of the body. If it’s not a threat, the rest of the body must adjust to make up for the weakened or disabled member, and the whole body suffers reduced efficiency, capacity and ability because of it. When the body does not respond in submission to the head, everything suffers, and it may spell disaster for the whole being. Wow! There is so much in that little metaphor that illustrates so many of God’s teachings!
The body may respond automatically to dangerous input, but it also draws the head’s attention to it. And the head can either override the automatic response or take further steps to protect the members of the body in danger. Think of firefighters or other first-responders—or soldiers—who risk their lives or harm to their bodies in order to serve a higher purpose.
What did Jesus say? “‘If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple. And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple’” (Luke 14:26-27, NIV). Is there a real price to be paid for following Jesus? Perhaps even in blood? You bet there is! Or there very likely can be. Jesus set the example by submitting to His own murder, and we’re supposed to follow in His steps. Countless believers down through the ages and still today all across the globe have lost their lives just for being a Christian. But it’s not just about claiming to believe in Jesus. Jesus calls us to follow Him, to learn anew how we should be living and what we should be living for. He comes to change everything about us. And as the world hated Jesus, so they should and will hate us—the more we conform ourselves to His likeness (John 15:18-21; John 17:14-19; 1 John 3:12-13).
The opposite is also true: The more we remain like the world, the less likely they’ll hate us! And in our wealth and comfort, we’ve come to believe that being a Christian should be the safest thing on earth, because we’re just supposed to be so darn nice!
Jesus offered His own life for us. Jesus calls us to give up our lives for Him—even up to and including our own death in obedience to Him. Do you really think Jesus is going to stand with you whenever you disagree with something your husband asks or directs that may cause you trouble? Your husband is probably more concerned about your health, safety and well-being than Jesus is! Jesus doesn’t live to satisfy your every want and wish, but to satisfy the wishes of His Father. He sees a bigger picture.
Church as Model
24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Verse 24 establishes the direction of this illustration. The wife is supposed to submit to her husband in the very same way that every member of Christ’s Body, the Church, is supposed to submit to Him. You see? This was always about submission—not just submission of wives to husbands, but Christians to Christ! A wife’s submission to her husband should teach every Believer what their submission to Christ should look like. But the submission that Christ deserves is the driving and defining factor here.
The sad thing is, even in many churches, believers are being taught that wives don’t need to submit to husbands, but that both are equal and every couple has freedom to define their own relational paradigm. So today, to look at the husband-wife relationship as played out in far too many Christian homes is to receive a wrong understanding of the Christian’s obligation to Christ. We look to God’s Word to tell us how every believer is supposed to treat Christ, then we take that and apply it to our marriages.
How is the Church to submit to Christ? When Jesus calls His disciples “friends,” is He exalting them to the level of equals? What happened that moved Jesus to stop calling them “slaves”?
You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. (John 15:14-15, NIV)
Have we, as a church or as individuals even attained the level of the Apostles in their acceptance of God’s Word through Jesus and their obedience to it? Are we worthy of being called His “friends” yet or are we still just slaves—and not very good slaves at that—who know and obey some of His commands, but find others to be distasteful?
Should we, as a church—should any church—consider ourselves to be equal with Jesus? Do we give Him advice and instruction or do we listen diligently and do His commands and instruction? Can we pray and ask for things? Of course! Does He grant our every request? Only those that coincide with His will (1 John 5:14-15)?
He loves us, yes, but why? How does He treat us when we ignore what He wants us to do? How did He treat His first and only real Bride (remember, the Church is grafted into Israel and all His promises to her by faith in Jesus)? We saw that last week. He disciplined them for their rebellion and disobedience, even “divorcing” Israel and sending her away, then later reconciling with her—calling her to confess and repent of her sins (Jeremiah 3:8-15)!
Countless individual Jews died for their rebellion and will not share in the blessings promised to the nation—think of the wilderness wanderings leading into the Promised Land: generations failed to enter God’s rest because of their rebellion (Heb 4:1-11); the land vomited (Leviticus 18:25-28) out the people because they refused to honor and obey the Lord! Only a remnant will be saved.
All that illustrates the truth of Salvation in this so-called church age: You will not be saved because you are named on the member roll of a church—not if you care nothing for the will and ways of God. The true Church—the people that submit to Jesus and live for Him—will be saved. All those who show up but don’t submit will be cast out.
How should the church submit to Jesus? In everything, in every way and without hesitation!
Marriage should reflect and reveal the Church’s relationship with Jesus. We don’t define what that relationship is supposed to look like. We have it defined for us: we need to do our part, as given by God, not as we want it to be.
Respect
33 However, ... the wife must respect her husband.
Finally, jump down to verse 33. This is Paul’s summary statement for both husbands and wives, but since today we’re talking about the wives, I’ll only focus on the summary for them.
As a summary statement, this means respect for a husband is primarily and ultimately defined by full, complete and contented submission to him. Which is consistent with the rest of Scriptures: Respect isn’t just an attitude or our feelings for the one we honor, but it results in action, specifically obedience from a heart of submission.
We cannot say we respect someone if we’re not also following their instruction. But respect is more than just obedience. Because you can obey without respect. Respect includes how we speak about the person we’re supposed to honor and how we speak to the person, as well as the quality and character of our submission and obedience to them.
God wants respect that naturally and joyfully results in trusting obedience. That’s what God expects wives to give their own husband. Because how a wife treats her husband tells the world how they’re supposed to treat Jesus! What message is your marriage relationship sending the world? What do they learn about Jesus from your treatment of your husband? Are they compelled and convicted by your example to surrender and entrust their lives entirely to Jesus and His leading?
We talked about this in our study on Titus: Respect does not have to be earned in order to be received. Respect is given, just as submission is given, without regard to the “worthiness” of the one to be respected, but with regard to the position they hold. It should not have to be demanded by the one we’re commanded to respect. It is easier and more joyful if the person makes themselves worthy of respect, and that is a command given to all those in positions of authority or influence. But it is not a condition that must first be met before respect is given.
A person’s position in God’s order of things is what obligates those under their authority to give them respect. It is not tied to the individual or his or her character.
The godless governor or king deserves respect and the Christian must give it in order to obey the Lord. So it is with godless husbands: the wife is required by God to respect him, honor him and obey him, whether he is personally worthy of respect or not. We are so quick to find any and every excuse not to honor someone we don’t like. However, God does not give us that freedom or right.
When you look at your husband, you should see Jesus. Not because he is Jesus, but because he stands in the place of Jesus to you. You stand in the place of the Church. You are not the Church, but you are a member of it! So you should treat your husband as you would treat Jesus. When you hear your husband speak, you should listen and respond as if Jesus were speaking to you. You represent the Church, and your submission to your husband should tell the world how eminently valuable and worthy of honor Jesus is.
Conclusion
- Wives submit to husbands because the husband is her “head”
- “Head” means authority and originator in this context
- Submission isn’t dependent on worthiness, but appointment by God
- The Husband-Wife relationship reflects and follows the Christ-Church relationship
- A wife should see and respond to her husband as the Church responds to Jesus
Ladies, how you treat your husband tells the world who Jesus is. If you treat your husband with honor and respect and submission, you tell the world that Jesus is a mighty God who deserves all glory and obedience. If you treat your husband with contempt, disrespect, disobedience, if you treat or speak to him as your slave or underling, you tell the world that Jesus is nothing, a figment of your imagination, a powerless God, if a god at all. Do not be surprised if your own family thinks little of Jesus, doesn’t care what He says and doesn’t bother to learn about him. You’ve already told him Jesus is of no account.
These instructions weren’t just for our benefit, that we would understand and act in accordance with God’s design. They are not temporary, just for the people of Paul’s day who weren’t as “enlightened” as us. They aren’t a God-rejected blight from a more primitive era on the otherwise holy Scriptures! These commands are eternal, because they define, reveal and reflect our relationship with God. They are part of the light we shine on the world, to point out their rebellion by Christian wives submitting with respect to their own husbands. These commands are eternal because they define and illustrate every Christian’s obligation toward Jesus.
We are the Body of Christ; we are the Bride of Christ. As such, every one who claims to believe in Jesus is supposed to treat Jesus in the same way as Christian wives are required to treat their own husbands. In full submission and with all respect. You belong to your husband; you are called to live for his purposes. Just as surely as we who trust in Christ belong to Him and are called to give up our own lives to serve His purposes.